i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
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