Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
