Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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