this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize