The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
