The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
