I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
