So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
