Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize