i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
