My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
