sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Text me some of your sweat
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