She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
