I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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