what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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