his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
