this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
