I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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