Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
