My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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