Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
