the condom got lost in my hair
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
not ubering you a puppy
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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