I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
