"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
