Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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