I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
