yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize