so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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