who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
