Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
