He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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