I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
