Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
