Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
