3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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