Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
