Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
