I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize