Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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