He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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