I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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