and she was petting her beer can
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
