I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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