Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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