He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
