1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
