Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
