he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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