he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
