She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
