if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
she pinky promised me she was 18
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
