mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
