I just saw a hot homeless man
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
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