tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
