You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
