I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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