I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize