im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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