too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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