I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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