i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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