I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
