i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
