You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
my being single is dangerous.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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