it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
