i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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