dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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