Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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