I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
