How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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