In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
