Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize