strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
